there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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