there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
