How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
