I'm going to rape someone's good day.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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