Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Randomize
