remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
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