Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
