It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I just had sex on a roof
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
