i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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