we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
