Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
