oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
