what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize