I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Every concussion has its silver lining
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
