Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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