And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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