Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
