i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
what the fuck happened to the tacos
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
