I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
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