Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Randomize
