i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
