I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize
