I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
