New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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