I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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