Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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