Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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