so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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