Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
