redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
