I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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