Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
