She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
