I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
