Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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