Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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