This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
