If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Do vagina's smell?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
