I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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