im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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