After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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