I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
