Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Randomize
