my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
