No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
