My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
