I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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