I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
