I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
