I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize