I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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