This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
