So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
