dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
