Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
