dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
