And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
