Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
