She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
