I wish I could punch you in the face.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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