Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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