there's paper in my vomit.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
