I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
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