I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
