you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
